he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
