I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
