Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
