i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
