went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
