Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
