he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
