Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
