tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
