I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
