Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
