so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
