I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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