I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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