I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
