I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
