Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
