Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
