He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
