Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
