He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
