No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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