Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
