I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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