this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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