I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
