Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
