so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
