this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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