Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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