Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
