Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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