I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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