I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
