Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
