roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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