Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
