Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
