I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
