Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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