Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
