Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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