i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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