know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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