its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
