my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
