Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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