I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
