Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
