If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
