Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
